Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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