i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
