I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
