the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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