omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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