the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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