Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
