3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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