you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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