So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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