She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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