Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
