i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
