I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
