I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
how drunk are you?
Several
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
