I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
