Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
