New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
