so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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