This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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