the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize