I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
