maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
