the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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