Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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