i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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