and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
These tits shall not be calmed
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