Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
