She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
