Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
