Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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