But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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