just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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