bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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