Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
