I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
