Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
