yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
