I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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