So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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