Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
