meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
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