dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
