Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
