remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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