I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
