we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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