I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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