if you like me you must not know who I am
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
And then he peed in my hair
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