I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
