My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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