I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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