i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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