wanna go halves on a baby?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
