My sheets look like a crime scene.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
