I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
