So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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