What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
this just has baby written all over it
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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