Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
