very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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