How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
