jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
