Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
