I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
