I just made out with a guy for $7.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
