we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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