One girl and one boy is just not enough.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
