these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
