That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Your cock deserves a montage
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
