i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
