so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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