hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
id be glad to
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
