My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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