sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I could make wine with my vomit
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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