remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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