Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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