I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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