We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize