dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
