I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
not ubering you a puppy
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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