Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
