i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
