Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
The best revenge is premature balding
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Every concussion has its silver lining
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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