I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
