Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
