The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
