You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
