Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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