Umm I'm too high to move.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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