Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
