Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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