dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize