i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
