Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Of course I have a pirate flag
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize