I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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