HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
